Why Are Girlfriend-Boyfriend Relationships So Complex?

While relationships can bring much sweetness to our lives, they can also leave us with a bad taste in our mouths. Mouni Roy asks Sadhguru why relationships sometimes turn sour.
Illustration of Girl-Boy holding hands and looking happy; girl-boy moving away from each other, parting hands and looking sad | Why Are Girlfriend-Boyfriend Relationships So Complex?
 

Mouni Roy: Why do relationships, especially between girlfriend and boyfriend or husband and wife, become so complex? 

Sadhguru: Namaskaram Mouni.  Everyone knows the sweetness of relationships, but there is also a lot of sourness – which you are beginning to taste. Unfortunately today, we have imbibed this idea from the West that if you utter the word “relationship”, people are generally thinking of body-based relationships. But relationships can be of many kinds. 

 

If relationships are body-based, the excitement about each other’s body will usually die after some time. What you thought of as the ultimate is not ultimate after some time. It is natural that people begin to grow out of it when the main draw which brought them together starts to melt away. Without knowing why, they start being unpleasant to each other because, essentially, such a relationship is about extracting sweetness and happiness from another person. If you try to squeeze joy out of someone, after some time, when it does not yield the same results as it used to in the beginning, some bitterness will begin. 

If relationships are body-based, the excitement about each other’s body will usually die after some time. What you thought of as the ultimate is not ultimate after some time.

Certain things may happen as you start growing older. From yesterday to today, you are a little older. So today, while you are young, you must think of all the relationships that you hold in your life – not just biological relationships – in terms of an expression of joy, not an extraction of joy. 

For this to happen, you must first become joyful by your own nature. If you focus on becoming an exuberant overflow of joy, and your relationship is about sharing this joy, you do not have to worry about the normal circus that people go through in their relationships. 

Managing Relationships

A relationship may not stay just in one area of life. Once people are together, they will have to share many things. Naturally, you will start stepping on each other’s toes for many small things that happen. Because of this, there will be many interactions, or you can even call them altercations, that will happen. 

You cannot manage all this on a daily basis. So, the best thing is to manage yourself in such a way that you are a naturally exuberant, joyful being. If this happens, your relationships will not be need-based. 

 

When relationships are need-based, if what you need does not come, you will start cribbing. You will start complaining and feeling bitter that you are not getting what you are supposed to get. If you just eliminate this need within you, and you are naturally overflowing with joy, then you can hold fabulous relationships with every kind of person, irrespective of who they are. They do not have to be like you. May you have the most beautiful relationships in your life.

Editor's Note: Whether you're struggling with a controversial query, feeling puzzled about a taboo topic, or just burning with a question that no one else is willing to answer, now is your chance to ask! Ask Sadhguru your questions at UnplugWithSadhguru.org.

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