When I’m Gone
The other day, someone asked me anxiously what will happen after I leave the body, where I will be going. I have said this before – I will still be around for another eighty years. If everything is here and now, where are we going? Into here and now. “Here and now” is not just a spiritual term – modern physics is deeply interested in this aspect. When we talk about here and now, we are talking about time and space. Time and space is the essential dimension for all physical creation to happen. If there is no time and no space, there is no question of creation – everything is here and now. This means time and space are your making. As you make your body and mind, along with that, you also make time and space. The accumulation of body and mind makes you available to the drama of time and space.
Modern physics talks about how vacuum states are dynamic and full of creative forces, and that this universe is ever-expanding. And not only that – they say that as there was a Big Bang, it is possible that one day, a Big Crunch will happen that will bring everything down here and now. In other words, as this universe is expanding from something that is infinitely small into something that is infinitely large, a similar reverse process could happen too. This is something that we have always known from within ourselves, in the yogic tradition. When we talk about nirvana, moksha, shoonya, this is exactly what we are saying. You came from nothing, you become so much, and, if you take it full cycle, then it will once again become absolute nothingness.
So, where are you going to go? When all going stops, that is the end game. Going on and on and on is very exciting if you have not gone to enough places. If you have not been enough, being is exciting. If you remember your being for the antiquity that it carries within itself, then the only thing that is truly attractive for you is non-being. When we say “liberation,” it does not mean breaking the atmospheric limits and running off into space. You want to be liberated from space.
It is a simple, childish process. Let’s say we imprison you in a small cubicle and then set you loose into a larger cubicle, you will feel liberated for two days, but on the third day, you will again feel imprisoned. If we release you into a much larger cubicle, you will feel truly liberated, but within a few days, once again you will feel imprisoned. So what would ultimate liberation be? When there is no more cubicle, you are not bound by space, and since time and space cannot exist without each other, you are not bound by time either. If there is no space, there is no time. That is why we say here and now. So, here and now is not spiritual terminology. Here and now is physical terminology. Disappearing into “here and now” means transcending the limitations of space and time. It would be silly to think that you go beyond space and time.
If there is no space and time, there is no space of your own either, physical or otherwise. That means you cease to exist. So where do you go? You don’t go anywhere. All going is over. That is ultimate liberation.
About my death – I am a well overdue life. In the sense, after having dismantled the whole basic infrastructure that is needed for life to continue, I am still on, which is not considered good, existentially. Once the basic infrastructure that is necessary to keep this life going is gone, that person has no business here – he should be gone. In our longing for liberation, we dismantled the whole infrastructure; then we landed up with an impossible project. So we tried to continue. Now that this is also done, no one knows why we are continuing. As there is no purpose to my existence, I am attempting to take on all that needs to be done.
Even if a totally new creation happened tomorrow morning – let’s say a completely new universe popped up – it would still not be interesting enough to explore it, once you have deciphered the fundamentals of how it happens. Let us say you are living in a super hotel with a million rooms. If you go there as a guest, they give you a keycard that opens only your room. But the cleaning person has one keycard that opens every room. As you are entering your one room, you are very excited. She has opened, seen, and cleaned so many of these rooms every day, she is not excited about entering one more room. If the hotel manager comes and tells you, “There is another room with a better view. Would you like to take it,” you would excitedly say “yes.” But she is not excited, because she has seen plenty of rooms.
It is the same with life. Once you have the key, if you have the time and the inclination, it is possible to open every room. But no one actually does that. One room is not so different from the other. If you enter a new universe, everything may look different, but the fundamentals are all the same. When you have seen enough, you start dismantling the fundamental infrastructure that is necessary to sustain life. That fundamental infrastructure is already gone for me. Now I am on borrowed infrastructure – many times under threat.
Eighty years after I leave physically, I will still be around. That is to ensure that everyone who was in some way touched by me is cleaned up from the planet before I leave completely. Why not forever? There is no such thing as forever. And there is no need to hang on forever, because we have set up a more sophisticated arrangement for that purpose. That is why the Dhyanalinga is there, an eternal tool for liberation.