Why Do We Seek Success in Relationships?
In this insightful clip from the "In the Presence of the Master Series", Sadhguru discusses our yearning for human relationships and the various reasons why we seek them.
Sadhguru: The needs within a human being have risen because of a certain sense of incompleteness. People are forming relationships to experience a certain sense of completeness within themselves. When you have a good relationship with someone dear to you, you feel complete. When you don’t have that, you feel incomplete. Why is this so? Because this life, this piece of life is a complete entity by itself. Why is it feeling incomplete? And, why is it trying to fulfill itself by making a partnership with another piece of life?
Fundamental reason is that we have not explored this life in its full depth and dimension. Though that is the basis, there is a complex process of relationships as such. There are expectations, and expectations and expectations and expectations. The expectations that most people are creating are such that there is no human being on the planet who could ever fulfill those expectations.
In the process of holding a relationship, the first moment of meeting the expectations may be common. But as every step that we take in life, the expectations may become different. Because these expectations keep changing in people, they are not consistent and they cannot be. One person may be consistent with the same expectation throughout their life; another person’s expectations may be changing because his perception and experience of life is changing. Now relationships become great conflict. More conflict is happening within the four walls of the homes than is happening anywhere on the planet. Only thing is bombs are not exploding so you don’t hear it. They may be giving each other silent treatment. (Participants Laugh) It is happening because peoples expectations are changing and they are not changing at the same pace.
Fundamentally, why have we sought a relationship? Because you find yourself that without a relationship, if you do not have any kind of relationship in your life then you become depressed. So, fundamentally, you are seeking a relationship because you want to be happy, you want to be joyful. Or in other words you are trying to use the other as a source of your happiness.
If you are happy by your own nature, now relationships will become a means for you to express your happiness not to seek happiness. If you are forming relationships to seek happiness and trying to squeeze happiness out of somebody and that person is trying to squeeze happiness out of you, now this is going to be a painful relationship after some time. Initially it may be ok because something is being fulfilled. But if you have become a joy by yourself and you are forming relationships because you want to express your happiness, nobody is going to complain about you because you are in the process of expressing your joy not seeking joy from the other person.
So if your life becomes an expression of your joy, not in pursuit of happiness then relationships will be naturally wonderful. You can hold a million relationships and still hold them good. Now, this whole circus of trying to fulfill somebody else’s expectations does not arise because if you are an expression of joy anyway they want to be with you.u.