The Guaranteed Love Affair
Sadhguru looks at the significance of love, and speaks about one (or actually two!) kinds of guaranteed love affairs.
Sadhguru: (Laughs) Love has become a relevant thing in human life only because human emotion is a strong aspect of being human being. In human life, emotion is a very powerful thing. Even today… even in this day and age, though people think they are very intellectual, even today their emotions are the strongest aspect. Yes or no? It’s the most intense aspect of their life. They claim they are intellectual, but their intellect is never so intense, but their emotions are intense. Maybe not love, maybe not compassion, but maybe anger, maybe irritation - these are all emotions. So, emotion is a very important aspect of being human.
Now, we are only talking about, what type of emotion do you want to have? Now if you… do you have a mind? Do you have a mind? Yes. Would you want it to be sharp or dull?
Participants: _____ (Inaudible).
Sadhguru: It works that way, isn't it? Similarly, if you have emotions, do you want to have sweet emotions or bitter emotions?
Participants: Sweet emotions.
Sadhguru: Sweet emotions. It works better that way, isn't it? So, love means just that. You have transformed your emotions into sweetness. Now, I want to be in love without emotion. (Laughs) That’s a very European idea. (Laughter) Love is an emotion. It is the sweetness of your emotion which we’re referring to as love. If the same emotion becomes bitter, we call it hate. Usually, it is the people whom you love that you hate, isn't it? Some time ago - you loved them, now you hate them. You don’t hate than man who is just walking on the street, isn't it? Some love should have happened and now the coin fell another way and now it's become hate. Yes? So, it's just the same coin - if it falls this way, it becomes love; if it falls that way, it becomes hatred. Don’t think they’re too far away. They’re pretty close. One little thing goes wrong, love becomes hate, isn't it?
So; how to be in love without emotion? (Laughs) Love is an emotion. Now the choice is only do you want your emotions to be sweet, pleasant or unpleasant emotions? - That’s your choice. It's an obvious choice, isn't it? (Laughs) But most people are keeping their emotions bitter most of the time. Bitterness need not necessarily mean they’re in active hatred. They are in irritation, they are in agitation, they are in some kind of… fear is also an emotion, anxiety is an emotion. It is in some level of unpleasantness.
If you make your emotions very pleasant, then life will be very pleasant. Even today, most people experience as a moment of love as the most profound experience of their life. It is not, but they experience it that way because that is the most intense thing they’ve touched - that is the deepest dimension of life they’ve touched is a moment of love. So, they raise it to heaven. They say ‘God loves us.’ You know this happened to me in McMinnville, Tennessee. Tennessee is a different kind of place. So I am just walking in the town. It's a… I am the blackest person in that town. (Laughs) Anything a shade darker than me is not allowed there even today. So one big man, huge man that I have to look at him like this (Gestures) comes, stands close to me and says “God loves us.” I said, “The way you are, only God can love you.” (Laughter) He has to love the mistakes that he’s made.
Now… people are transporting it to heaven, people are talking about divine love. You do not know whether God loves or not. Human beings are capable of love if they are willing. Dog is capable of love. When human beings fail, you get yourself a dog. (Laughs) If you get a dog, twelve-year guaranteed love affair. Yes. Don’t… do not underestimate this. You get yourself a dog, every day you come home, what a welcome you get! (Laughter) Your wife, she is no good - one, one day she is one, one way. Your children - they are not even interested whether you come home or go. But your dog, every day what an excited welcome he gives you! (Laughter) Nobody is capable of this, isn't it? Every day, without fail. He’ll never show disinterest in you. He is such a boost for you, you know. Dog is love for sure. Maybe it’s just a spelling mistake! (Laughter) You know, typos can happen.
Now, if you made yourself in such a way nobody around can… around you can love you, then the only succor you have is (Gestures upward) (Laughter) somebody must love you, long distance from there. It's the unfortunate way to live. God loves you - it’s the most unfortunate way to live. That means you made yourself in such a way nobody can even look at you. (Laughs) If people around you cannot help loving you, that’s a nice way to be, isn't it? You may not be great, may be at least you are cute. (Laughter) Yes?
So, in yoga, we don’t look at anything as love, hate, happiness, misery - we don’t look at it that way. We just look at it this way - do you want to be pleasant or unpleasant? If you become pleasant in your body, we call it health. If you become very pleasant, we call it pleasure. If your mind becomes pleasant, we call it peace. If it becomes very pleasant, we call it joy. If your emotions become pleasant, we call it love. If it becomes very pleasant, we call it compassion. If your very life energies become pleasant, we call this bliss. If it becomes very pleasant, we call it ecstasy. If your surroundings become pleasant, we call it success.
So, the other names that you give are just leading to confusion. Should I be loving? You don’t have to be loving. Just be pleasant in your body, pleasant in your mind, pleasant in your emotions, pleasant in your energies - you’ll be a wonderful being. If your emotions are pleasant, if somebody comes here, you can share that pleasantness with them. If your emotions are unpleasantness… unpleasant, for sure, you’ll share that with people, isn't it? Yes or no? (Laughs) So, you cannot… you cannot do something that you are not. If this is feeling pleasant now, it will naturally be pleasant to everything. If this is feeling unpleasant right now, it will be nasty to everything.
So instead of seeing how to make this (Referring to oneself) pleasant, you want to be pleasant to somebody - that is being loving. You don’t have to be loving. If everything within you has become pleasant, whatever is needed in that moment, you will do. If you need to say pleasant things, you will say that. If you need to say some hard things, you will say that, but without any unpleasantness in you. That’s important, isn't it? If you’ll have to fight a war, you’ll fight it without any unpleasantness in you. That’s important. Then you will do everything only to the extent it's necessary. You will not do… overdo anything.
If you say ‘I love somebody’, you’ll exaggerate things about the people whom you love. You’ll exaggerate good things about them. If you say ‘I hate somebody’, you’ll exaggerate bad things about them. You’ll never say anything the way it is. People go blind with things that they love, isn't it? They have no sense, they’ll lose all their sense. If they hate also, they’ll lose sense. If you like, you’ll lose sense; if you dislike, you’ll lose sense. The doorway of life is in being equanimous that you’re able to see everything just the way it is. Now you are pleasant to somebody not because somebody is nice. You’re pleasant to somebody because you’re pleasant, that's all. This is more guaranteed… it's a more guaranteed love affair, isn't it? You’re being pleasant to somebody because you’re pleasant. If I am being pleasant to you because you are nice, tomorrow if you are not so nice, something else will happen, isn't it?
if you mortgage your pleasantness to something outside of you, you being pleasant or unpleasant is only by chance. Keeping this one (Referring to oneself) pleasant is your business. If this one is pleasant what… with whatever it interacts, it will generate pleasantness. Now, you have not managed to make this pleasant, you are trying to be pleasant to somebody and that is subject to so many things. If you have to be pleasant, they have to be fixed the way you want them (Laughs) and that’s not possible. Nobody can be fixed the way you want them. You’re not able to do that even with one person, isn't it? You cannot even fix one person the way you want them, forget about the whole world.
The more you try this, the more bitterness and unpleasantness will happen. That is why in the so-called most intimate relationships, maximum amount of unpleasantness happens. Just a newspaper article, one day no talk - not pleasantly silent - silent treatment. (Laughter) It's a treatment. Don’t think it's simply silent, blissfully silent, no. (Laughter) If you don’t respond to the treatment, then other things will come. (Laughs) So, this is because you’re trying to do something that you are not. You’re trying to be loving when you are not pleasant. When you’re feeling bitter, you try to be loving and see, it’ll destroy you, isn't it? Yes or no? You’ve tried all these things, isn't it? (Laughs) It's destructive. When you’re feeling pleasant, it is effortless.
So, you just have to look at why is it you being pleasant or unpleasant is mortgaged to external situations. ‘If everybody around me is unpleasant, how can I be pleasant?’ Especially if everybody around you is unpleasant, it's all the more important that you’re pleasant, isn't it? Yes or no? If everybody around you is in a mess, is it not all the more important that you’re pleasant? If everybody around you is unhealthy, is it not very important at least you’re healthy, even if you want to take care of them? Is there any logic to ‘everybody is unhealthy, so let me also get sick?’ What is the logic behind this? So, if people around you are unpleasant, it becomes even more important that you’re pleasant. There is no logic to it.