Sadhguru answers a question about expectations, and looks at how it is important to establish ourselves in a state of joy and pleasantness, before performing action in the world.
Questioner (Shivangi): I just have one question today. I believe you’ve talked about expectations and I feel that sometimes, I tend to be too inclusive in society.
Sadhguru: Oh! What is that too inclusive (Laughter)?
Shivangi: I get over-attached to the people around me and…
Sadhguru: No, no, that’s not inclusiveness, that is being exclusive. See, if I get attached to you only in this whole crowd, is it being exclusive or inclusive?
Shivangi: Exclusive, Sadhguru.
Sadhguru: Yeah. Don’t… Don’t give long… wrong labels, you’re calling exclusiveness as inclusiveness, that’s trouble (Laughs). Shivangi: I just want to know, how do you ma… how do I make sure that I get rid of the expectations I have from people and not let whatever their opinions are about me, get to my head? Sadhguru: There are two openings which allow things into your head, these two (Gestures towards the ears) (Laughter). We can make Isha earplugs, if you want. I didn’t know there was demand for it. Our craft department can make Isha earplugs, very organic, cotton ones, wooden ones or just groundnuts, two groundnuts (Laughter). High protein earplugs – we can advertise (Laughter). Now, what you call as attachment is a natural consequence of exclusiveness. The moment you choose between one the… one and the… one and the other, getting tangled up with it is natural. See, we’ve already gone through this today – we accept both filth and fruit but when it comes to eating, we choose the fruit. This is a choice we are making. When it comes to physical activity, we choose but when we just sit here, where is the need to choose? For a specific activity, choices are made but for the rest of the life, there is no need to make choices every moment of your life. Inclusiveness means this – inclusiveness does not mean you’ve lost your discriminatory sense. You have your discriminatory sense. Your discriminatory sense is useful only for performing action, not for being here. For being here, you need not be discriminatory in any way. To be alive, if you discriminate, it will not work but to act you need discrimination, otherwise you cannot act sensibly.
So, this problem of getting attached or overly attached to one will naturally lead to another consequence of having deep aversion to many others. See (Laughs), to balance your so-called love with one person, you will have to have deep aversion to a whole lot of people, you can’t stand them. Please carefully watch and see, this is how it’s working. Whether you are… Maybe those people with whom you have aversion, you may not notice it unless they happen to be around you. Tch, you have aversion but because they never came near you, it’s not felt. But if they happen to come here, you will feel it because this balance is always happening. Now, your expectations about people – this is not just about people, there’s everything. What is the source of all human misery on the planet? “Life is not happening the way I want… I think it should happen.” Hmm? Is there any other cause, I’m asking? “Life is not happening the way I think it should happen” – this is the only source of misery in human life, isn’t it? Tell me (Laughs) – is it easier to change your thinking or the world (Laughter)?
Sadhguru: Changing your thinking is very easy, isn’t it? And first of all, now, when what you think is so important for you, have you taken this faculty of thinking into your charge? No, you’re in a state of mental diarrhea. If everything that happens in your thoughts come (comes?) true in your life, you’re finished (Laughter). Fortunately, they’re not coming true. My blessings is may your dreams not come true (Laughter) because the way you are dreaming, if all of it happens you’re finished, because your expectation is coming from a very limited picture of life. If you want your life to yield in a maximum way – even in material life, I’m saying, in a maximum way, I’m not talking about some spiritual dimension, just in your material life, if you want to yield maximum in this world – no expectations. You know Shoonya meditation (Laughs)? No expectations (Laughs). No expectation does not mean you don’t have a (an?) orientation, it is just that you don’t… every moment, you don’t go about calculating, “Oh, I didn’t get what I want, I didn’t get what I want, what I want did not happen” – no. It’s just that we want to move in this direction, how far you will go will depend on how much gas you have, isn’t it? And if you have expectation, you are wasting all your gas in simply revving up the engine all the time and you won’t go far. This whole expectation overtaking you has happened to you because right from your childhood people are asking, at the age of three, people are, “Tell me, what will you become (Gestures) (Laughter)? Will you become doctor, will you become IT engineer” (Laughs)? Some rubbish at the age of three.
The expectations that parents have of their children is largely (Laughs) so unrealistic and stupid most of time, it is neither good for them nor for the children and many… right from your early age, you cultivate the same trend. Let’s do this much with life – see, all this problem is because happiness is a tomorrow thing, do you understand? Why your expectations have such powerful grip on you is – happiness is a tomorrow thing, never a today thing (Laughs) because only if this (Gestures), this (Gestures) and this (Gestures) happens, I will be happy. Now as you get more miserable, as this (Gestures), this (Gestures) and this (Gestures) gets little more away from you every day… instead of coming closer, if it’s going away, as you get more miserable, the power of the expectation becomes stronger and stronger. Right now, let’s say you’re really blissed out but you want this (Gestures) to happen. We chased it, tomorrow instead of being closer, it’s further away – it won’t create any great amount of suffering, it will not. It will not create any suffering because you’re joyful. So, without fixing this (Referring to oneself), you are trying to do things in the world. Tch, long time ago it seems Krishna said, “Yogastha kuru karmani” – that means first establish in yoga, then act. But now, you started your action in a mess, so you come to yoga (Laughter). So, we are trying to adjust this (Laughs). You are still a young person, you do this much – forget about what you want in the world. From yourself, from the people, from the world, what you want – drop it.
First establish this, that what happens within you is determined by you, nobody else but you. Just do this one thing, naturally you will choose to become pleasant. When you are very pleasant, still 10,000 things have not happened in my life, so what (Laughter)? With a joyful zest, I’ll go after it and the chances of fulfilling those expectations are far better. If they don’t happen, who the hell cares anyway because my experience of being here is wonderful, whichever way. Without fixing the fundamental we’re trying to run away. We’ve not fixed this (Referring to oneself) but we are trying to take this (Referring to oneself) somewhere – this is trouble. If you want to drive your car, you must see first it’s properly fixed. Two wheels are loose, it’s on the jack (Laughter), Now you try to drive, you know it’s going to be a disaster. You’re still a young person, there is no need for anything to happen in your life right now. This is the time to establish yourself, this is not a time to drive. If you drive before you fix the wheels, it’s going to be painful and disastrous. Don’t do that to yourself.