Falling in Love With Everyone and Everything
Sadhguru and actress, film producer and former Miss India, Juhi Chawla, engage in a lively and insightful discussion about what exactly love is. Sadhguru dispels many myths about love and attachment, and explains how falling in love with everyone and everything around us possible for each of us. Love is a sweetness of emotion within us, he explains, not something given to us by someone else. Thus, the possibility to be loving or to fall in love is entirely in our hands.
Juhi Chawla: Sadhguruji, you just mentioned love and today it is about ‘life and love’ and I would like to know, have you loved?
Sadhguru: Do I look like someone who has not loved, what are you asking? (Laughter) What is this she’s asking, do I look like someone who’s never loved in my life? What is this?
Juhi Chawla: No, but like… So, for us it is maybe love your family members, whoever it could be. I… I… Why I ask you this is because there’re so many versions of this and I really want to get to it. Some teachers, some Gurus, some guides will say you know, “You can love but you must be detached…”
Sadhguru: Ohoho (Laughs)…
Juhi Chawla: …you must love but it cannot be conditional. It should be unconditional and… So, there’s versions of it, I just want to know, so have you….
Sadhguru: See, the simple… the simple way of make you keep coming back to me is to give you something that you cannot do, to give you a teaching which you can never do. You must love, but you must be detached – now you have to keep coming back to me for consultation (Laughter), endlessly.
Juhi Chawla: (Laughs) Sorry.
Sadhguru: I’m saying throw yourself into your love affair and die into it. Something will happen. Something worthwhile will happen if you’re willing to die into the process, not just anything – whether it’s your work or your life or your love or whatever, if you do not know how to throw your entire self into it, you will never know the taste of what it is. “Love, but be detached” - what… why do you want to love then? (Laughter) Only because you want to include somebody as a part of your life… part of yourself, that’s why you love. “No, I love but I… I’m detached.” This means you have to come back to consultation, every day. It is like a psychiatrist’s job – everyday you have to come and sit on the couch. You need treatment and there is a fee (Laughs).
Juhi Chawla: So… Okay all right, so you can love and be attached…
Sadhguru: No, no, I didn’t say that (Laughter)…
Juhi Chawla: Okay, I’m coming back for consultation, please (Laughter). So, what did you say?
Sadhguru: I only said, see what is this need for love in a human being? You must understand, a human being constantly, constantly, a human being is longing to be something more than what they are right now. If this finds a simple basic physical expression, we call this sexuality. Sexuality means just this – physically you’re trying to make something which is not you, a part of yourself. For a few moments you may succeed. If you try this mentally, it gets labeled as greed, conquest or maybe simply shopping - shopping, shopping.
Juhi Chawla: Oh.
Sadhguru: Some people go for conquest with swords and guns, some people go with cheque books and cash, you know credit cards. The thing is you want to include something which is not a part of you as yourself – that is the whole effort. Tch, whether you want money or wealth or you want to occupy a nation, what is it? Something that is not you, you want to make it yours. Yours is an effort to make it a part of yourself. If it happens emotionally, on the emotional level if you try this, we call this a love affair. You’re trying to make somebody who is not a part of you, a part of yourself emotionally – this is a love affair.
If you do it consciously, we call this yoga. Yoga means union. So, all these efforts are fine, everything has its own beauty but has its own limitations. When you understand the limitations of all the other methods, nothing right or wrong about it, it is just that it will work briefly, it will not work for always. When you realize that, you consciously try to include. When you consciously become an inclusive process, if you sit here, if you experience everything as yourself then we say you are a yogi, okay? So, this is a love affair, successful.
Juhi Chawla: So something you said at the end which I would like to ask you again and this was something yes I heard at… even at the Inner Engineering program. I understood it a little bit so I’m back for consultation. You said love, inclusiveness – I can’t understand how I can love everybody in this room.
Sadhguru: You cannot. There are some people you cannot love (Laughter).
Juhi Chawla: I can barely see, up there and up there. So, how is tha… how do you include everybody in your love?
Sadhguru: See because you’re looking at love as something that comes to you or you yield to the process of love, only because you appreciate a particular quality – a shape of somebody’s nose or the shape of their mind or their thought or their emotion or the way they speak or the way they do things or the way they relate to you, something, okay? There’re many many things. It is based on something that is acceptable to you. If they do something that is not acceptable to you, love crumbles.
Juhi Chawla: (Laughs) Yes.
Sadhguru: Now what I’m saying is, I want you to look at this – whether love happens to you or hate happens to you, anger happens to you, misery happens to you, joy happens to you – it only happens within you, isn’t it?
Juhi Chawla: Yes.
Sadhguru: It never… People say love is in the air, no. Because you are feeling very pleasant in your emotions, suddenly air feels vibrant. It always been, you missed it all your life, now you’re beginning to feel it.
Juhi Chawla: (Laughs) Okay. Okay.
Sadhguru: All right? So, whatever human experience – love or hate, whatever, whatever – happens only within you. What I am saying is at least what happens within you must happen by your choice, consciously you must be able to make it happen. If you’re able to, if your experience or what is happening within you is happening by choice, what is the problem? It only happens within you. Love is not a relationship. A relationship is a different thing. Love is a certain sweetness of your emotion. Whether you look at a tree or a dog or a man or a woman or a child or just at the sky, why can’t you look at it lovingly? Because it’s not about loving the sky, it’s about the sweetness of your emotion. If your emotions are sweet, whatever you look at, you will look at it in a certain way. Right now you have nasty emotions, whatever you look at, you look at it in a different way. So, you have always associated love with somebody. No, no, no, this is not about somebody – love is not something that you do, it is something that you can become. If you’re willing, you can become love, you can make your emotion into a very sweet space.
You ca… If you make your mi… If you make your body very pleasant, it becomes pleasure. If you sit here, it can be great pleasure just sitting here and breathing. This is what we’re teaching people, if you sit… I will show you millions of people, if they close their eyes, tears of ecstasy will just drip, nothing – simply close your eyes. Ecstatic they are, bursting – every cell in their body because body has become so pleasant. If your mind becomes pleasant, we say this is joy. If your emotions become pleasant, we say this is love. If your very life energies become pleasant, we say this is blissfulness, this is ecstasy. If your surroundings become pleasant, we call that success. Now you’re calling your success with somebody as love, that’s a mistake. You have a success story with somebody – that is, you have created pleasantness in the atmosphere between you and let’s say five-ten people around you. You’re calling that love; no that is actually success because that needs lots of management.
Juhi Chawla: Yes, it does.
Sadhguru: Yes or no?
Juhi Chawla: Yes it does.
Sadhguru: Yes. But for you to be loving, there is no management. If you just make your emotions sweet, your emotions are sweet and it’s beautiful be… be like this. It’s not about anybody. If somebody comes, we can share it. If nobody comes, you can sit here with eyes closed and still be loving, what’s the problem? It is not about somebody, it’s not an action. It is not something that you do, it is something that you can become (Applause).
Juhi Chawla: It’s a… It’s a lovely, idyllic…
Sadhguru: It is not idyllic, it is… it is the way it is.
Juhi Chawla: It is… I mean you’d really have to practice this.
Juhi Chawla: Because I’m thinking…
Sadhguru: See, this is what exactly I’m saying – if it is an action, an action comes to perfection with practice, only if it’s an action. I’m saying love is not an act. Is health an act? Are you acting healthy right now?
Juhi Chawla: No.
Sadhguru: I know you’re an actor, but are you acting healthy?
Juhi Chawla: (Laughs) No.
Sadhguru: So health is, because…
Juhi Chawla: Yes.
Sadhguru: …you have done certain things and health is. Isn’t it?
Juhi Chawla: Oh, we’ve not done certain things…
Sadhguru: Oh, we have definite…
Juhi Chawla: …we’ve been given…
Sadhguru: No, no, no, no. Oh, we’ve been given, but if you eat bad, if you live bad, you won’t be healthy.
Juhi Chawla: Hmm.
Sadhguru: We’ve done certain things to manage our health. Simp… Similarly, if you do certain things, you can manage the pleasantness of your mind. If you do certain other things, you can manage the pleasantness of your emotion. If you do certain other things, you can manage the pleasantness of your very life energies. This is things that you can do. Now, what you can do internally, you’re trying to manage externally. What can be done here within you, you are trying to manage by creating an atmosphere around you which is a very difficult thing to do, because outside will never happen hundred percent the way you want it. To some extent we can manage, we can’t do all of it by ourselves because there are many forces involved.