What is the Best Kind of Parenting?

Sadhguru talks about the best form of parenting there is, which is to straighten up - not our children, but ourselves.
 

In this video clip, Sadhguru speaks to the director of the film, "For Real". He talks about the best form of parenting there is, which is to straighten up - not our children, but ourselves. Since parenting is a 20-year project, he talks about the importance of staying committed to the role, and nurturing the relationship through simple friendship.

 

 

Sadhguru: When a child is born, the first and foremost thing one should understand is that you did not create life. You only worked as a passage to deliver life. So you must understand that this has only come to you, this doesn’t really come from you or belong to you. It is just that you have the privilege of nurturing it for a certain period of time. You need to build a certain friendship with this little life that’s entered your space now.

It’s very important that parents look at this – whatever their aspirations, whatever their goals, if you want to bring up a child, it is a 20-year project.

A child is everything that you are on a small scale. So if a child has arrived and is of a certain significance to you, the first and foremost thing that you need to do is, start cleaning yourself up. The best parenting you can do is to fix yourself. You might have lived in all kinds of distorted ways, but now a child has come. This is the time to straighten up your life. Don’t worry about straightening up the child’s life because he is learning quickly by imitation. He is picking up whatever he is exposed to. In many ways, you are the biggest source of imitation for him. The best thing is that you are straight; you are the way your ideal is. Whatever you think is the highest way to be, you be that way when the child is around, because he is learning by imitation. He may be exposed to many other sources of imitation which you cannot control. At least you can do your part. So the best thing you can do is to come down from your high horse of "parenting" somebody. Just learn to be a simple friend to your child, so that when he is in some kind of confusion or some kind of trouble, you are the first person he wants to talk to.

It’s very important that parents look at this – whatever their aspirations, whatever their goals, if you want to bring up a child, it is a 20-year project. So when you start, you must have at least a 20-year commitment. Our ideas, our thoughts, our emotions may change as we move on and many discords may happen, disagreements may happen, struggles may happen. When two human beings are in a certain level of proximity, certain level of sharing, many things may happen. But, because we have a 20-year project, we must be committed at least for 20 years. This much maturity and commitment one must have before they decide to bear a child. Otherwise, it is not needed for you. You are still a child; you can fight and go away. You can disagree with somebody and leave the house today, if you are in that condition, you are still a child and you don’t need a child. Asking a child to bear another child is not fair. So you don’t have to bear a child. And you will be doing a great service to the world, because right now our only problem is excessive human population.

Lenny Baker @Flickr

 
 
 
 
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6 years 8 months ago

wonderful message

6 years 8 months ago

a great read you have here. i wish all parents get the chance to read this. my favorite line would be "you did not create life. You only worked as a passage to deliver life. So you must understand that this has only come to you, this doesn’t really come from you or belong to you. "

6 years 8 months ago

"The best parenting you can do is to fix yourself." - What a message! I can realise intense worth and meaning it has got.

6 years 8 months ago

Loved the message..it's so relevant but still we are so ignorant of it...I see my baby as my property..so when she talks to somebody else or doesn't listen to me, I either feel jealous or angry..even to the extent that when she prefers her dad over me, I feel hurt. In my bid to discipline her, I even used to scold her or hit her...but then I read somewhere that hitting is not good for the child. So I stopped that. I religiously follow this blog www.humptybumptykids.com, as they have good parenting advice. But I really like this article. I guess, I will save it in my favourites and refer to it whenever I doubt myself as a parent.

6 years 6 months ago

Yes, Mallika ! it often happens with me also. Sadhguru says that when child comes in your family it is time to take lessons from him not other way around.

5 years 9 months ago

Thank you Sadguru .

4 years 10 months ago

"Best kind of parenting", when Sex-selective abortion is on where does this exists?

3 years 11 months ago

Agreed. The best thing to give them is set the best example at home... And put it on for atleast 20 yrs. No wonder they say it's the most rewarding thing to do.

3 years 9 months ago

This is very misleading and can cause a lot of stress to people who are going to take it seriously !! How unfortunate that we just accept everything that these so called Gurus say !! Trust me its really sad. He says parents become the biggest source of imitation for the kid, Well thats absolutely stupid according to me. How can parents change or in his language cleanse them selves for their child to imitate them???? Can you ask a lion to behave in a certain way so that the cubs will follow them? Or can you ask the birds to start chirping in a certain way so that its babies can follow it and become an imitator?? Thats impossible !! What i am simply trying to say is every one is born absolutely unique and most of the qualities we have in us are biological and there is nothing one can do externally to change them. If you try to become a role model for your kid neither will you be happy nor will your kid be happy. Influence can certainly make an impact but it cant change your roots. And because of influence even if someone seems to have changed that will only be temporary. One's original self will always be biological and it cant be changed by anyone. This is the very reason for misery. We are all as a society trying to create an example of how the future generations is going to be and that will always be a failure. Do you think our older generation people did not live a good life for us to be influenced? So what happened to us? Who did we get influenced from? We are certainly not living a life that our grand parents or even our parents wanted us to live like. Thats how the nature works. It works according to its own rules. No body can change it. All you can do is to be a part of this play and play it well !!

3 years 9 months ago

No doubt a person comes here with his biological roots but he learns a lot from surrounding too. The immediate source of learning for a kid is his parents. They need to be mature enough to not entangle in little things and create chaos in house causing children to learn that this is the only way to ask for things that they don't have.
From your write, I felt like a person cannot change himself up. If it is so, pardon me, I disagree with you. Lets talk of a habit for getting angry very quickly if someone says something you don't like. I had the habit from my Dad (I think), but after learning to have some patience and let myself not get angry at the little things, I have changed myself a little. There are different things similar to this, I keep on adopting from surrounding and I, really, feel like I am growing more mature day by day. How come parents cannot change during the 20 year project, I think they can if they want to.