Sadhguru on Relationships


There are many types of relationships that you hold in your life. There are neighbors, friends, wives, husbands, children, parents, siblings, lovers, there are people who hate each other, everything is a relationship. Fundamentally, all relationships in your life have come up because you have certain needs to fulfill – physical, mental, emotional, social, financial and so on. You try to establish a certain type of relationship to fulfill whatever kind of need you have. If that need is not fulfilled, that relationship cannot be.

There is another way to exist experientially where one can exist without any relationships. One is so complete within himself that it does not matter. But right now, for most people, the quality of their relationships decides the quality of their life. So let’s see how we can have the most beautiful relationship, every moment of our lives, wherever we are. If you look at it, you are trying to somehow make yourself happy by building different types of relationships and doing different types of activities. You make friends, you get married, you have children, you start businesses – you do everything – because somewhere you believe this will bring you happiness. You built all these relationships in pursuit of happiness. Or in other words, somewhere you are trying to squeeze some happiness out of people. Once you do this, relationships will be a constant trouble. You cannot do without it, you cannot do with it. There is no sense of joy or happiness within you, and you are trying to extract it from somebody, and that person is trying to extract it from you. This is bound to become a battle.

If relationships have to be really beautiful, it is very important that a human being turns inward and looks at himself in a very deep way before he looks at somebody else. If you become a source of joy by yourself and your relationships are about sharing your joy, not squeezing joy out of somebody, then you would have wonderful relationships with anybody. Is there anybody in the world who would have any problem with you if you are going there to share your joy with them? No. You are trying to extract joy from them, that is where the problem is. Relationships have become a problem because we are not using it to enhance our lives. We are trying to fill the gaps in our lives with relationships.

If your relationship is about extracting something out of somebody, it does not matter how much you manage, there will be constant trouble. If your relationship was an offering to the person who is next to you right now, then everything would be fantastic.

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4 years 5 months ago

It's a really nice post by an amazing thought of Sadguru. But, I think there is a problem in this line "Is there anybody in the world who would have any problem with you if you are going there to share your joy with them? "-there is an emotion in our mind, called jeolosy, because of that we cannot share other people's joy. When one cannot share his/ her joy, he/ she feels alone and needs some relationships.

7 years 10 months ago


4 years 5 months ago

I am currently in a very long relationship and just have started feeling this satisfaction/joy with myself. However, since this new found experience has made me much more silent and less outgoing I am worried that it may negatively affect the relationship. Are there any tips or advice for how to combat this

7 years 10 months ago


4 years 5 months ago

I think it mean to say" to identify the nature of who we are from deep inside instead of trying to depent upon completely on other individual for betterment of life"

7 years 10 months ago

The last 2 sentences sum up beautifully the very essence of every successful relationship.

3 years 1 month ago

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7 years 9 months ago

nicely put

7 years 8 months ago

"If relationships have to be really beautiful, it is very important that a human being turns inward and looks at himself in a very deep way before he looks at somebody else"---I couldn't agree more. This is indeed a very nice post.

7 years 4 months ago

so very true. . . .

5 years 10 months ago

Dhyanalinga extracts silence from me. What is this relation ?

5 years 10 months ago

golden words! but what to do when everybody around just try to extract something from me? i share and i share and then i feel myself like i'm empty again but nobody cares until i'm full again to share and to be squeezed by somebody...

5 years 3 months ago

It sounds like you might be sharing to "get" something in return. When we give truly, the desire to get back something from the other will not exist. It will not exist because we have already "gotten" from our giving... Remember before you can even think of being in a relationship you should be completely "whole" and in "joy" all by yourself. If not, you are looking to extract it from the other and as Sadhguru has put, and that will not work.

4 years 8 months ago

Beautiful words! Thanks Sadhguru. Namasté :-)