A Seeker’s Relationship Blues
Sadhguru answers a question about moving ahead on the spiritual path when one is in an unsupportive relationship with someone.
 
 

Question:Sadhguru, if you are in a very unsupportive relationship with someone, how can you move ahead on the spiritual path without getting stuck?

Sadhguru
If your concern is spiritual growth, then if you have a demon for your partner, that is the best thing! But your husband or your wife is not just about spiritual growth. If you also want to have a pleasant life in the family, you have to choose someone you like. But there is always something that you do not like about any human being on the planet, isn’t it? You use that part of it for your spiritual growth, and the rest of it you enjoy as life.

If your intention is to have a good family, then some rapport is needed between two people; that means there have to be some areas of commonality at least. To build a rapport takes effort, it takes compromise, it takes love and it takes endurance. If you want to build a rapport with someone who is not supportive, but you do not want to go their way, it takes lots of endurance. People whom you love are not easy.

So what can you do? One thing is to transform yourself in such a way, that being in your presence, unknowingly, they will turn around.

Sometime ago, I went out and it started raining. I was carrying both my phones because I was expecting some calls. One phone is for India, and one is for outside-India calls. I had one in my jacket and the other in my trouser pockets, and they got wet and both the phones got fried. So, people around me were telling me, “Sadhguru, why carry two phones? Now, we can have two SIM cards in one phone. This is a Chinese phone. If you hold it one way, you can speak on the India SIM card. If you turn it around, it just shifts into the other SIM card. You don’t have to switch anything.” I did not get the phone, but you must become like this if you wish to take people who are around you with you. If you want to walk alone, it is very easy. If you want to take people with you, it takes a considerable amount of effort.

Gautama was asked this question, “Is it better to walk alone on the path or with a companion?”

He said, “It is better to walk alone than to walk with a fool.”

Because they can take such a lot of energy and time, and you do not know, they may be stronger than you and take you their way rather than you taking them your way. There is every possibility.

I will not say what Gautama said. All I am saying is, it does not matter how you walk, as far as your spiritual process is concerned, anyway you are alone. Nobody is with you. It is only the bodily process, the material process of life, which you can share with people. You come alone and you go alone. Even if you have a twin brother or sister, you still come alone and go alone. When it comes to the spirit, anyway you walk alone. Do not mix that up. That part of it you handle well. The material part of it, handle it according to your capability. You must see what you are capable of and what you are not capable of. If your partner comes your way, it is wonderful. If they do not, it is alright. Do not grudge them. It is just that you do not have to go that way.

This article is extracted from Sadhguru’s latest book, “Compulsiveness to Consciousness,” which deals with the various relationships that human beings are involved in. The book is available for purchase and download at Isha Downloads.

 
 
 
 
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3 years 8 months ago

Nagendra Neelendra Shivaya
Mahadevaya
Adi Anantam Janmanashanam
Trigunasamharam
Shiva Shiva Shiva
Mahadeva

Shambho I bow down

5 years 2 months ago

Very clear answer from Sadhguru, as usual. Answer to many struggling with their spiritual journey and material life.

3 years 8 months ago

ohmigosh, this is the answer to my questions, been married for almost 32 years. Sadhguru said..“It is better to walk alone than to walk with a fool.”...Thanks sadhguru.

5 years 2 months ago

Thank you sadhguru...

5 years 2 months ago

I believe a lot of people can relate to this for this relationship could be between workmates, marriage, family, sibling, friend, etc. and as always Sadhguru's words of wisdom never fail to hand out answers or impart knowledge. Thank you Sadhguru.

3 years 2 months ago

No. That's what Gautam Buddha said. Sadhguru is saying something else. Please read the last paragraph carefully. And then open your eyes!

5 years 2 months ago

guess i am the fool

5 years 2 months ago

from what i understand what SAdhguru is saying is, even if you have a demon for a partner, if you are inclined to proceed in the spiritual path, then that relationship is a stepping stone for you. That relationship will teach you or you can learn how to go beyond the physical/material plane to the spirital plane. It is also a testing ground for your endurance. It teaches you not to get struck at this level but to go beyond. Any relationship for that matter....be it a demon or an angel - it applies. If angel, you can take that person along with you, if that person is willing also. But still your travel above is always alone. No two people understand or perceive anything in the same way.

This is my humble understanding.

2 years 6 months ago

According to me, your separation from your partner was an indication that you are going on the right path spiritually. Since practically, it is impossible to continue to remain in relationship with another person and still be spiritual.
I guess, you asked for it deeply in your mind and heart, to get liberated.
And getting liberated from the material/ emotional world is just a start....
Choose what you want and you would get it, if you are 100% sure about it deep within...
According to me, you are going in the right direction..

5 years 2 months ago

to tell you honestly, it works :)

5 years 2 months ago

superior reply to many thoughts. Thanks guruji

2 years 6 months ago

"You must see what you are capable of and what you are not capable of. If
your partner comes your way, it is wonderful. If they do not, it is
alright. Do not grudge them. It is just that you do not have to go that
way."

Very inspiring.

Thank you Sadhguru! (smile)

Pranams <3

5 years 2 months ago

Perfect timing for the answer.This question has been bothering me for a while.thanks sadhguru !

5 years 2 months ago

this dilemma keeps popping up every now and then. perfect timing.
thanks Sadhguru!

2 years 6 months ago

Hahaha :) nice reply

5 years 2 months ago

What do you mean demon for your partner? Like conciously use anger, etc?

5 years 1 month ago

I think the the explanation by Ananth is wrong. I think Sadhguru meant that if you have a partner who you have problems with you will grow spiritually by living with them. Obviously we grow by facing difficulties not by living in comfortable situations. Of course it will depend on whether if we utilize the opportunity to grow or to regress in life. It all depends on our intelligence.

2 years 6 months ago

Still it continues to haunt me, what happens when an 'asker' and 'seeker' get along, although it sounds nice to say contrast is nice, but at times it does take a toll on one and at times the other.

5 years 2 months ago

Same here.... perfect timing for this answer for past two day's which was bothering me much.. he really answers if our longing to know is genuine

5 years 1 month ago

Thank you Sadhguru to show the path. As usual so insightful and practical.

10 months 2 weeks ago

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5 years 1 month ago

I have been struggling with this cause I was in a relationship where we where both growing spiritually together and felt very at home with this man. He for some reason has broken it off and acts like we never where a couple . This has been very difficult for me cause I felt my journey and walk in this life was going to be with him. I've never been able to open up to any one like I did this man. I felt crushed and with out energy. I guess some people choose to live in there fears and feel more comfortable staying in there box of comfort. Not realizing that there is so much more to life. Reading your article made me realize that I am stronger and choose to continue growing. I am capable . I never thought this about myself. Thank you for your words of wisdom.

5 years 2 months ago

My comment didn't go thorugh. Why? I am curious what Sadhguru means about if you have a demon for her. I just want to understand what he is saying.

5 years 1 month ago

The question always has been:

Why do relationships sour ?
And the next step is to seek a Lawyers' (liars! sorry!) guidance, drag every one through the courts of justice, fix alimony , fight for the time that is to be spent with the issues (children to you and me) ! and finally fight , as to who should pay all the costs!

Shiva must be turning in his abode

Thank you Sadguru <3

10 months 2 weeks ago

cartierbraceletlove I think that article was written before Hyman and Honorton teamed up to develop the autoganzfeld procedure, wasn't it? The autoganzfeld tests were designed to be double blind; the experimenters did not know the targets.
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5 years 2 months ago

Thanks sadguru......i think this is corret way..to go

3 years 8 months ago

I also understand in the same way.

5 years 2 months ago

This is my understanding from what Sadhguru said is that if your only concern is spiritual growth and if you have a demon as your partner it's easy because you just run away from the demon towards spiritual growth. But if you have a husband or wife who are not inclined towards spirituality then what Sadhguru explained above should do :).