The Nature of Human Relationships
Sadhguru looks at how human relationships are not absolute, and are always variable, and need a lot of attention. He explains that the need for a relationship is arising because though every individual is a complete life, people are under the illusion that they are half a life that cannot be without another.
Sadhguru: But he must be punished? (Laughter) Either by you or somebody he must be punished. (Laughter and Applause) What kind of punishment do you normally give to people? (Laughter) Already enough of punishment has been given, isn’t it? Already it’s been given - the ugliness, the nastiness, the silent treatment everything has happened, so what more punishment you want to give? Your thing is, there is no remorse on other side. There is no remorse on the other side because people are doing what they want to do, not what you want them to do, always. And that may not be in your interest, but they are doing what they want to do. Is it right, wrong - I am not going into the morality of it. I want you to understand the mechanics of the situation.
Somebody is doing what they want to do; now you think they must be punished, probably they have not broken any law, otherwise they would be anyway punished. They’re breaking an understanding between two people; probably you misunderstood the understanding. You believed that these understandings are absolute; they are not. Nowhere in the history of humanity or today or in anytime in future, will human relationships be absolute, though every… every person who gets little romantic, believes that this is going to be an absolute relationship, there is no such thing about it. A relationship is a variable, always; you have to conduct it on a daily basis. One day if you don’t conduct it properly it may go somewhere. Yes or no? No, please look at it as it is. You have to conduct it right, so ‘No I am doing my best,’ - obviously somebody feels your best is not good enough for them. I want you to come to terms with this.
This is not about… I am not saying what they doing is right or wrong, that’s not for me to say, all I am saying is this is how human beings are functioning for ages and still are. I am saying first of all you need to understand relationships will never, ever be absolute, they will be variables that… you it’s juggling, that you have to do. If you are juggling with five balls one sometimes, it will spill out, takes lot of skill and attention. Yes or no? You’re married many of you; doesn’t it take lot of skill and attention? If you don’t pay any attention you don’t know what the hell is happening. (Laughs) It takes a lot of attention, isn’t it? Someone just called me, from some country in Europe and ‘Sadhguru I am just doing housework, come and save me. (Laughter) Take me away to your ashram; I am just doing house work.’ She is washing dishes and stuff, well very affluent but has four children, so all the time there is thing to do endlessly. (Laughs) And today the maid did not turn up so you have to wash the dishes, four children are there, you got to wash the dishes, you got to wash everything. (Laughs)
So I am saying, you need to understand this, a relationship is a variable reality, it is not an absolute reality. If you want to have an absolute relationship you must hold relationships with the dead. That’s the reason why lot of people choose God because it’s an absolute. You can handle it whichever way you want. If you didn’t think of him for ten days, another eleventh day if you think of him, he is still there. (Laughter) You do that to your husband or wife or somebody then (Laughs) something else will happen. You went away, got busy forgot about God for three years again you can think; still there. (Laughter) So if you want to have an absolute relationship you must… you should not choose human beings.
Human relationships are variables, needs lot of attention. So that’s why some people decide in their life, they don’t have the time and the energy to manage such things, so they take another path where there is no such obligation, they close their eyes, they are by themselves. They don’t care, who is around them, what’s around them. So you can't do that. If you close your eyes you must open within twenty one minutes, twenty three minutes if you sit, things will happen. (Laughs) So I think it’s best - in trying to punish somebody you will only end up punishing yourself, they doing what they want to do - it’s best that you see what is it that you really want with your life; you don’t have to react with them and do something stupid like them. You just have to sit down and look at this; when your illusions are broken, you’re disillusioned right now; it’s a very good thing.
If your illusions are broken, that means life is bringing you closer to reality, isn’t it? So this is an opportunity for you to sit down and see ‘what is the nature of my life, why is it?’ See this piece of life is a complete piece of life. Isn't it so? Is it half a life? Are you half a life or full life? Full life. Why is it that it feels so incomplete that it needs another person to fill this life, why is it, it’s time to look at it, isn’t it? If this is a full life this is complete by itself. But right now you made it in such a way that this cannot exist with that one and that one…without that one and that one and that one. So somewhere it’s an incomplete life or at least it is not realized the fullness of its nature, isn’t it? This is a complete piece of life; packed with Creator and creation together, very great combination. If you… this is a time when life knocks at your door like this, it’s time you look deeper rather than reacting and trying to fix somebody else.
Punishing somebody else is not going to transform your life, not going to make your life beautiful in anyway. Some sick satisfaction you will have for two days, after that you will feel guilty about that also, yes? Initially when this emotion is hot it gives you satisfaction; after sometime when you look back, you will feel ashamed of yourself. So don’t go that way. This is an opportunity somebody is opening up a spiritual dimension for you… really, somebody is making you realize how fragile all these things are; they can cheat you, they can run away, they can divorce you or they can fall dead, isn’t it? If they fall dead you wouldn’t think he cheated me, would you think? No but whichever way you’re denied, isn’t it? The important thing is you’re denied something. How he did it, is not the problem, he denied you something either by death or divorce or cheating or whatever you call it but essentially you got denied. You can be denied only because you are in a certain illusory state of believing that this is half a life and it needs another half from somewhere. No this is a complete life, if you’ve blossomed as a complete life, you will see relationships will be of a completely different nature.
It will be more of coming together and sharing, not of extracting; it has to transform. If it has to transform you have to transform, this is a great opportunity somebody has given you. Stop using these words somebody cheated me, just say somebody is pushing you towards ultimate reality from an illusory state, we must thank that person. (Applause) You must be grateful. Instead of keeping you…instead of keeping you in illusion, instead of keeping you in your life or a whole lifetime, so soon they are making you realize this (Laughs) otherwise you will know this at the time of your death. Yes, you will know at the time of your death, when you are dying, ‘I am scared why don’t you come with me?’ He will say ‘no’. (Laughter) So that last moment instead of knowing it’s better to know now. (Laughter)