Make Parenting a Joyful Process
Sadhguru looks at how parents should not mold their children, but just focus on creating a joyful and loving atmosphere.
Sadhguru: Ohoo! Only your neighbors should see whether your daughter or your child is a girl or a boy. You should never see whether this is a girl or a boy It’s the first thing Neighborhood boys will see that this is a girl, that’s okay You should not be wondering whether this is a boy or a girl, this is just a child. And the best thing you can do for your child is if you think the way you are is everything, naturally your aspiration will be they should become like you, which will be a backward step for next generation of people.
What the next generation should be – what you cannot imagine, that’s what they should be. If you mold them how will you mold them? Like yourself, and maybe your parents were better at molding than you, so you will do a worse job than them Because probably your mother, your father… at least for your mother maybe it was a fulltime job molding business - you’re part-time molder, we can imagine what you will do. Don’t try to mold them.
Just a child needs a stable, pleasant atmosphere to grow – to create a joyful… I’m saying first joyful, first joyful then loving, do you understand? Otherwise this just bloody sappy love without any joy and bliss around it is… will make people miserable over a period of time. First joyful atmosphere, if you’re capable of holding it then you can add little bit of your love to it. Children will need your love and attention till they are five, six, seven, after that they want to distance themselves, they want to become their own thing and it’s fine. If you just… your… your only business is to keep them in a very joyful and loving incubator. Of course there’ll be somebody else on the street who’ll be trying to do something else with them. Those influences are always there, you should not protect them entirely from those things because someday they have to get out. But your business is not to mold them.
One thing your child should not become is, they should not become like you. They should become something more than you, what you are, isn’t it? Your idea of something more is they must earn more than you, they must have a bigger car, bigger house – this is unfortunate. If you are this joyful they should become more joyful than you. If you are this intelligent they should become more intelligent than you. If you’re this balanced they must be far more balanced than you. Yes? Hmm? If your life is this rich, their life must be much richer richness not…your re… richness of your child’s life or your life for that matter should never, never be a contribution from what you have. What you have gathered should never enhance your life, please get this for yourself and your child.
Who you are, is who you are. What you have is to what extent it’s useful to us, we’ll have those things, everything. Whatever we can use and enjoy we will have but never try to enhance your life, never try to enhance who you are by what you wear, by we… where you live, what you own - these things should be useful. You use them to the limit, no problem but they should not enhance who you are. Who you are should happen from within you. If your child grows into this, whatever he or she becomes it’s fine, they need not be like you. Once you don’t have this problem that they do… they don’t have to be like you, then you will see it’s such a joy and freedom to raise your child. Your only struggle is they’re not like you. Yes? Daily struggles with the children is just this, they are not shaping up like you. How glad I am.