LIFE QUESTIONS

What to Do When Your Partner Is Taking Drugs?

During a satsang at the Isha Institute of Inner-sciences, a meditator asks Sadhguru a deeply personal question about his relationship woes and thoughts of becoming a monk.

Questioner: I have been in a relationship for eight years now, and I care about her very much. I do my practices regularly and am deepening them as I go. She is very supportive of it, but she smokes marijuana with her family. I cannot make her want to grow – so what do I do in this case? I have always felt indecisive about living as a monk or living in a family situation.

Sadhguru: In India, when I was growing up, I used to hear ladies talking about marriage and alliances that they are seeking for some girls. They would say, “No, no, no – some men in their house drink. We cannot give our girl to their house.” This would be the position. Today, we have come to a place where if you do not serve drinks, no one will turn up for your wedding.

Doing What Works for You

It may not be far away that if you do not serve marijuana, no one will come to your wedding. It is already so in some places in India where if you do not serve hash, no one will come to any event because that has been the tradition. People need approval from someone. If the law says it is legal, everyone thinks they can drink. Just because it is legal, is it doing you any good? Even guns are legal in the US – does that mean you should shoot yourself? Something being legal does not make it right. Something becoming legal or illegal is a social thing.

It is not for me to tell you what to do about your relationship. I am here to tell you what you should do with yourself.

I usually do not do this kind of relationship counseling. When you are in high school, you can fall in love with just about anyone because your intelligence has been hijacked by your hormones. Now that it is not going the way you want, it is up to you and her. It is not for me to tell you what to do about your relationship. I am here to tell you what you should do with yourself.

Should I Stay with My Partner or Become a Monk?

Now you are in a relationship, but you are talking about monkhood. Do you mean to say that you want to be a monk in the gap before you find the next one? That is a trapeze bar. What you refer to as monkhood, we usually call it brahmacharya. Brahmacharya means to be on the path of truth; to be on the path of the Divine. That is not because your girlfriend is doped up, so you become a brahmachari. It is a completely different dimension. Are you suited for that, and do you have such an inclination? This is something we have to look at.

If you want to make up your mind, we will give you some space here. Just stay here for one month. We will put you on some sadhana. When you are peaceful and joyful by your own nature, and clear about how it is, make a decision, and do not look back. I do not know whether you will go back to her or you will go some other way, but do not look for the next one here. That is not the reason why we created this place. If that is what I wanted to do, I would have created a dating app.

There is nothing wrong with that; it is just that different things are created for different purposes. You must use it for that purpose. You do not go on a dating app and say you want to be a monk. This is the same thing.