Marriage is Not a Social Prescription, Part II
Last week, Sadhguru touched upon the various needs of a human being that propel us towards relationships – physical, emotional, psychological, economic and social. Today, in the concluding part of this series, he tells us more about how to recognize these needs within us and arrive at a decision about marriage, as individuals.
 
 

Last week, Sadhguru touched upon the various needs of a human being that propel us towards relationships – physical, emotional, psychological, economic and social. Today, in the concluding part of this series, he tells us more about how to recognize these needs within us and arrive at a decision about marriage, as individuals.

Sadhguru: You must see, first of all, whether for you as a person, the need for a partnership is important or just a passing thing. I would say, at least 25 to 30 per cent of the people do not need to even go in that direction because it is just a passing interest. For another 30 to 40 per cent, it may be a little longer and they get into this. For 10 to 12 years they feel good and after that they think it’s a burden. But there are some people for whom the need is very strong. About 25 to 30 per cent need partnerships for a much longer period; they definitely need to get into such arrangements.

A live-in relationship is not the solution to handle your needs.

Right now, people have found other kinds of solutions. Especially in the West, and in India also it is beginning to happen. “Okay, I won’t get married, I will just live-in.” So live in; if you are just living with one person, anyway it is marriage, whether you have a certificate or not. But if you think you can choose your partners every weekend, you are causing a serious damage to yourself. Because, just as your mind has a memory, your body has a much stronger sense of memory. The body imbibes and retains experiences. If you go to the Himalayas, you may forget the Himalayas, but your body will not forget them. Always, it will remember. Mentally, you may get dementia and lose all your memory. But the physical will carry it on.

So physical intimacy is, in the Indian tradition, called Runanabandha. Runanabandha refers to the body’s physical memory. The body develops a deep sense of memory about physical intimacy. It responds and reacts in many ways in the future, based on this memory. If you imprint too many memories, there will be confusion in the body. Too many memories like this leads to a certain level of confusion and a certain level of misery. You can clearly see this. People who are loose with their life and their physical body, they will never know any real sense of joy. Please watch this carefully around you. They can never laugh totally, nor can they cry totally. They will become like this – because confusing memories in the physical body in one lifetime will create a lot of impressions. So, a live-in relationship is not the solution to handle your needs.

 

 

Either you go into marriage or you simply go beyond these needs. But this is something that you have to look at individually – how strong is your need. If you want to look at this with clarity, without social influence, it is always best that you take some time off, let's say a month. When you make this decision, you must be in a state of clarity. You must not be influenced by anybody. Not by your Guru, not by society, not by anybody. Just meditate and bring yourself into a certain state of clarity. In that clarity, look at your needs and how strong they really are.

If you find that marriage is not necessary, that’s it, once you make a decision, don’t look that way. If you make a decision to go that way, don’t look this way. One of these things you must do. If you hang around in between, you will remain in a constant state of confusion. “Which is the best thing?” There is no best thing. Live your life like that – whatever you’re doing, that is all you’re doing. Absolutely. If you have this quality, whatever you do, it is fine. But constant shifting; people who are married for 15 years are now thinking, “Maybe I should have taken Brahmacharya[1].” People who have been Brahmacharis for 10 years, now they think, “Maybe I should have gotten married.” This is an endless waste of life.

[1]Monkhood - literally "the path of the divine"

 
 
 
 
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4 years 4 months ago

What if your parents want you to marry a girl, but you don't "love" her enough to want to get married? I like her but don't care for her enough. The attraction is not strong enough, it feels more like a companion. But she expects me to have her in the heart all the time and always consider her, which is hard if you're not love blind enough - it kinda becomes like a duty.

5 years 8 months ago

good one and eye opening

4 years 4 months ago

I'm afraid to let my parents down - they would like me to get married and want to have grand kids soon, and she is a well-mannered and well educated girl from a well-to-do family, and I'm afraid to let her and her parents down have been seeing each other for 1.5 years, and her family is quite conservative to let us go on like this and everybody thinks we are ready to be married soon. But we flight constantly and she is not happy. I'm torturing between suck-it-up and get married and split it and end it. Besides all this, everybody does not understand or accept my interest in spiritually or my yoga practice including her, my family and her family. But if I split will I be able to find a better girl who I can truly care for and who can accept my spirituality? I am so frustrated people...

5 years 8 months ago

Can you give some more tips on how to make that decision, whether we should get married or stay single. Please respond!

4 years 4 months ago

This is very true. I'm living in The Netherlands as hindustani born in Surinam (South America) and i can confirm your perspective. In my country marriages are as much as divorces. Most of people choose for a cohabitation relationship. I must say i'm lucky as a hindu-woman to live alone because of protected law eventhough hindu's in my country still believe in arranged marriage. Amongst the local people (western) many divorces with lots of hatred ... to blame > secret internetrelationships. The common text sounds; " i have everything but lacking love in marriage, feeling empty, don't want to divorce because of money but need some exitement"

5 years 8 months ago

Sadhguru has mentioned it clearly, take a month off and think about it in absolute clarity. So head down to ashram for a month or more and make your decision.

4 years 1 month ago

I would suggest that you take some time off and really think about what you want. In the meantime, put off your decision to marry until you get more clarity

5 years 8 months ago

Take some time alone, to reflect, contemplate and meditate. Or bring yourself to a state of joy and in that state, the decisions you make will have more chance of being the right ones :) In the end, it should be your decision, not peer, social or anyone else's decision. After all, it is your life :)

4 years 1 month ago

Matt, check out Sadhguru teachigs: the psicological aspect of life an life itself. Social expectatives are just a part of the systems. Maybe you will all learn what is this all about....if you stop playing others game ! good luck !

5 years 7 months ago

Sadhguru mentioned about "physical memory"... if one have'nt experience that, then how to make a decision whether physical need is a strong one or not?

3 years 2 months ago

Namaskaram Sadhguru, there were stories that shiva and feminie form of vishnu got married could you please elaborate on this Sadhguru?

5 years 7 months ago

This is a really good eye-opener especially now that many conservative cultures in Asia are starting to embrace the Western ideals when it comes to relationships.

2 years 8 months ago

beautiful article.can we call those men who indulge in this confusion and fulfilling their physical needs with multiple women,either be in live-in or weekly/daily flings, as polygamy(husband to multiple women with no strings but the soul and body were dedicated to many women) or male prostitute(husband to multiple women with no strings even the soul and body were dedicated to many women except the final woman who would be his soulmate).how many women he would have had but he needed only a pure woman for his lifetime companion where she will live with so much insecurities regarding physical needs,regarding his past with women..Its easy for him to ask her to not think about it..but how about his body's memory react and how about her emotional hurt after knowing her husband's past deeds would get pacified eventhough there is love and trust between them..

5 years 7 months ago

Nice article.In Hinduism marriage forms the second order of life. One cannot be indecisive.One is not merely entering into a physical partnership with another physical creature, is not entering into a social relationship with another family, but is entering into a spiritual partnership with another soul in order to fulfil a mutually shared divine destiny, so that the relationship between husband and wife is essentially a spiritual partnership between two souls. Your spouse is to you everything: companion, friend, consoler, helper and partner in this great spiritual adventure. Such is the ideal and total concept of this relationship. One should firmly take a decision before entering into an institution called marriage.

1 year 1 month ago

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unhealthy tune. ?Jesus is so cool. Its fun being with God.
Hes tҺe funnest God anybody might have.? Larry sang vеry badlyy so
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5 years 2 months ago

This one is a real eye opener for those who are western idea of relationship and going to Live In relationship. After certain age, they will feel very empty. And this emptiness is the outcome of confusion, which can never be removed.

1 year ago

depends what you want in life /with life. marriage comes with lots of responsibilities and burdens both physical and emotional, so if you are freedom lovong person you should'nt go for it but again if you ve never felt like that go and marry else you would be confused for all your life

4 years 7 months ago

Pranams Sadhguru

1 year ago

Sadhguru, what are your views about masturbation?...

4 years 5 months ago

Look into your life right now...your state of mind, if you are totally joyful consistently and sure that you can continue as you are right now..then stay the way you are...otherwise think of the best way which can keep you consistently joyful and follow accordingly...May the decision you take keep you joyful