Loving the Irksome - Part II


Last week, we saw what Sadhguru had to tell us about falling in love with the very people who irritate us. This week, he explains to us about how this can be achieved by nurturing proper understanding in all our relationships, professional or personal.


When you live in this world, there are various types of complex relationships happening. You need to understand the limitations and the capabilities of people and do what you can. Only then will you have the power to move the situation the way you want it to go. If you’re waiting for people to understand you and act, it is only a pipe dream; it’s never going to happen.

The closer the relationship is, the more effort you should make to understand them.  Once, there was a man who had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, with his wife staying at his bedside night and day. When he came to, in those few moments of consciousness, he motioned for her to come closer. As she sat beside him, he said, “I’ve been thinking… you have been with me through all the bad times in my life. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business went down the tubes, you were there working overtime and doing night shifts. When I got shot you were by my side. When we lost the house in that legal clash, you were right beside me. Now my health is failing, and you’re still by my side. Now when I consider all this, I think you only bring me bad luck!”

There are very wonderful people around you, but once in a while they go crazy. If you don’t understand that, you will lose them.
See, it’s not that the other person is totally bereft of understanding. With your understanding you can create situations where the other person would be able to understand you better. If you’re expecting the other to understand and comply with you all the time when you don’t understand the limitations, the possibilities, the needs and capabilities of that person, then conflict is all that will happen; it is bound to happen. This is because your line of understanding and theirs is different. If you cross this L.O.C., this Line of Control, they will get mad. If they cross it, you will get mad.

If you move your understanding beyond theirs, their understanding also becomes a part of your understanding. You will be able to embrace their limitations and capabilities. In everyone, there are some positive things and some negative things. If you embrace all this in your understanding, you can make the relationship the way you want it. If you leave it to their understanding, it will become accidental. If they are very magnanimous, things will happen well for you; if not, the relationship will break up.

All I am asking is: do you want to be the one who decides what happens to your life? Whether they are close relationships, professional, political, global or whatever, don’t you want to be the person who decides what happens in your life? If you do, you better include everything and everybody into your understanding. You should enhance your understanding to such a point that you can look beyond people’s madness also. There are very wonderful people around you, but once in a while they like to go crazy for a few minutes. If you don’t understand that, you will lose them. If you don’t understand their madness, you will definitely lose them. If you do, then you know how to handle them.

Life is not always a straight line. You have to do many things to keep it going. If you forsake your understanding, your capability will be lost. Whether it’s a question of personal relationships or professional management, in both places you need understanding; otherwise, you won’t have fruitful relationships.

Excerpted from the book Mystic's Musings, available here and here

nicksmarto @Flickr

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6 years 4 months ago

"There are very wonderful people around you, but once in a while they go crazy. If you don’t understand that, you will lose them."

6 years 4 months ago

"There are very wonderful people around you, but once in a while they go crazy. If you don’t understand that, you will lose them." this is true for i have a sister whom i am close with but there are times when we fight, its either i am the crazy one or she could be but still i do not consider her irksome but it is also a way for me to understand that it is really about understanding and accepting the fact that no one is perfect and if we embrace then we avoid labeling people in our lives and find that peace. this is wonderful sadhguru!

6 years 2 months ago

Sadguru I really feel great about your thought provoking lecture on dealing with the irksome. I have a small doubt If we are people who keep vulgarity away from our own lifestyles and live a purposeful life but we get to move along with people who say life is all about enjoying it as weird as possible, embracing them could be a bit difficult and their influence may often work on ourselves or on children in our families. This brings even more bigger head ache when ourselves or children are getting influenced by them and we need to control the situations without going weird. We can't encourage ourselves or our children to drink and smoke or to be a flirt or be a loose one or be a value less deceiver. So what could be a better understanding of thi concept and what could be the way to handle life in a bigger sense to make it more safe??

5 years 8 months ago

Sasanka, As per I am heard Sadhguru saying is that we should not control our children, but we should guide our children. So, I think you should guide them of consequences of smoking,flirting,drinking but you should be someone who would want to control them as it will make the situation worst. This is the understand that is required. Namaskaram.