Married, but not Identified
In this week's Spot, Sadhguru is asked whether one can be married, and not identified. And whether everyone should take brahmacharya. Sadhguru responds, "An arrangement is made to enhance and facilitate our lives, not to restrict and destroy our lives. If we know this much, then whatever arrangement we have chosen is okay." Enjoy!
Sadhguru, you asked us to drop our identities. Does this mean that we should all become brahmacharies? How can one be married and not be identified with their spouse?
N o, no, I refuse to answer this question! You are trying to find a way out, and you want to divorce! What I am asking is, how can you live sensibly with someone if you are horribly identified? You cannot live sensibly with anybody if you are overly identified with something or the other. This is the reason why the most wonderful relationships turn into hell after some time; you have forgotten why you came together. The identity of the relationship has become bigger than the purpose of the relationship. Being given a title of “brahmachari” is also a very bad identity. Only others should say, “He is a brahmachari.” He should simply be.
Brahmacharya means you are on the path of the divine. That means you do not have your own assumed mission in the world. You are in line with the Creator. You have not planned something of your own, you are simply there. You want to be in line with the agenda that the Creator has envisaged. Evolutionary theory says you were all baboons. When you were a baboon, did you sit and plot how to become a human being, how to get to the Isha Yoga Center, how to seek your further evolution? You did not plan all this. You went by the Creator’s plan. A brahmachari means he has realized that his own damn plans do not seem to take him anywhere; it just takes him round and round. He is thinking, “If the Creator could make a baboon into me, then if I go by his plan, definitely He will render me somewhere else.” A brahmachari is just living in that trust. Working to just enhance to fullness that which has been given to him or you.
I think it does not matter which position you have taken in your life, that is the best way to live because your own intelligence is insufficient to cause a dimensional shift in your life. Your intelligence may be good enough to survive in this dimension, but it is not good enough to transcend this dimension. If it has to transcend, you have to go with that intelligence which is the basis of this dimension and that dimension. If you place yourselves in the hands of that intelligence, then you flow. Where is that? That is everywhere. Outside, inside, it is the same thing. Even in this dimension you cannot conduct the activity of your kidneys; it is too complicated. A silly little kidney is too complicated for this brain. So, when someone realizes this is their state, that there is no point in going round and round and doing their own thing, they became a brahmachari.
You are married to a man or a woman. Some are married to their career, wealth, homes or cars. Not everybody is married to human beings. Different people are married to different things. The brahmacharies may slowly get married to the yoga center. What I am saying is, in terms of physical arrangements, everyone makes an arrangement. Brahmacharies also made some arrangement here. They are not without arrangement, they just have a more simple arrangement.
I want you to understand that your marriage, your career, your wealth is an arrangement. An arrangement is made to enhance and facilitate our lives, not to restrict and destroy our lives. If we know this much, then whatever arrangement we have chosen is okay. If it is not working, you should know what to do. Do not try to include me in that. But you must remember that all arrangements are made with the hope and intention to enhance your life, not to entangle your life. If you know that much, then there is no problem. And do not think if you are married you must be identified, there is no such thing. It is not because of identity that it is beautiful. It will turn ugly only because of identity. If you are conscious that this is a relationship, or this is an arrangement that you have made to enhance and beautify your life, it will work better.