How to Deal with the Loss of a Loved One
Amish Tripathi: My question is on grief. Our philosophies tell us that we should be balanced and treat joy and sadness with the same detachment. But what if you experience grief that is beyond your capacity to bear? What if you lose someone who you truly admire? How to handle grief?
Sadhguru: This is not to belittle anyone’s loss, but I want you to understand that grief is not about someone’s death, it is always about loss – we lost something. People can grieve loss of possession, positions or even professions.
Essentially, grief is about an individual human being losing something. When it comes to people, if we lose them to death, the significance is that they cannot be replaced. Possessions, positions, money and wealth can be replaced, but when we lose a person, we cannot replace them. So the grief becomes more profound.
This is happening to us simply because we have built our persona like a collage. “Who we are” is because of what we possess, the positions and relationships that we hold, and the people who are in our lives. If any one of these things falls out, it leaves a vacuum in our persona. This is what we are suffering.
It is very important that our relationships are not an instrument to fill our life. Relationships must come from the basis of our fullness. If you use a relationship to make yourself complete, when you lose it, you become empty. However, if you form a relationship because you want to share your fullness, there will be no grief.
All this may not work when we lose someone very dear to us, and this may look like trivializing one’s loss. So this must be cultivated throughout our life – what we have does not decide who we are. Who we are decides what we have in our lives. This must happen to every human being. This is what spiritual process means.
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