Are you Desperately Looking for a Soulmate?
What Is a Soul Mate ?Sadhguru: Many people subscribe to the idea that there is a single “right” person out there for everyone. Some believe that this is determined by the stars. There is also the pervasive notion of the “soulmate” chosen by the Creator Himself. Implicit in both views is the idea that human love has its origins in the heavens rather than on terra firma.
What people forget is that the soul cannot mate with anything or anyone. Nor does the soul need a mate. When we speak of the soul, we are speaking of the absolute and boundless. Only that which is limited needs a mate. Why would the boundless ever seek a partner?
Why Do We Need a Partner ?
Why do people seek a mate? It could be for physical reasons; we call that sexuality, and it can be quite beautiful. It could be for mental reasons; we call that companionship, and it can be beautiful, too. It could be for emotional reasons; we call that love, and that has been legendarily extolled as the sweetest experience. Certainly, physical compatibility, companionship and love can make life wonderful, but if you are honest with yourself, you cannot deny the anxiety that follows such an arrangement.
It is wise to be honest about the limitations and conditions within which a relationship operates. The advantage of being realistic is that when you are confronted by limitations tomorrow, you will find a mature way to deal with them. But, most people create limitations. They employ terms like “soulmate”, or proclaim that their relationship is “made in heaven”. With this level of self-deception, disillusionment is inevitable.
Marriages are not Made in Heaven
Is there something wrong with marriage? Not at all! Marriage can be a very pleasant experience as long as you know it is not the ultimate. If you have too many romantic delusions, even if you are married to the most wonderful person, it will definitely crash because you cannot delude yourself forever. If you want to live sensibly and joyfully, it is important to remember, marriage is a human arrangement, not a celestial one.
It is true that certain karmic connections may draw people towards each other. This does not mean, however, that these will be ideal relationships. The success of these relationships will depend on the maturity and sensitivity with which we approach them.
I am not being cynical about love – far from it. Love is one of the most beautiful qualities a human being is capable of. Many cultures have suppressed love; others have tried to export it to heaven. But love is of this planet, and it is deeply human. Why deny that?
Love does not need an object. Love is simply a quality. If the person you love is not in your physical presence, you are still capable of loving them. If the people you love cease to exist, you still continue to love them. This means you are using people around you as mere stimuli to find expression for this innate quality. If you bring sufficient awareness to your discriminatory intellect, love is the only way you can be. Love is not about what you do. Love is the way you are.
Love is simply life longing for itself. This longing is essentially to become all-inclusive – boundless. It is only when love becomes all-inclusive that you touch the boundless. And that is when you realise a simple truth: the soul does not need a mate. It never has.
Editor's Note: Sadhguru shares the keys to forming lasting and joyful relationships, whether they are with husband or wife, family and friends, with colleagues at work or with the very existence itself in this ebook, "Compulsiveness to Consciousness."
This article was first published in Speaking Tree.